Life After Read online

  I want to move closer to smell it but that would be very weird, although I think I may have already passed the weirdness factor for the day, sniffing him might put me on his crazy list. Pausing the show I tap my fingers on the remote. “Okay, I can’t do this anymore. Tell me about yourself or something to get this awkwardness gone.” Glancing over at him chagrined I add, “Please.”

  He stretches out his legs and puts them on the coffee table shoes and all crossing feet and puts his hands behind his head.

  “Comfy?” I ask him drolly while crossing my arms over my chest.

  Nodding he grabs the remote and starts flipping through channels.

  “Okay, I’m Averdeen Pope, but you can call me Avery, Aberdeen’s a family name and not one I really shout out that I have. I’m nineteen and I’ve been living here for about a year. Andrew’s my brother. I’m going to school to be an EMT and I work at a coffee shop part time. Um what else? This is random but I like to fish, I know I don’t look like one of those guys that fish but I take it pretty seriously.”

  I scrunch my nose up. Up until last week I had barely seen Jenny, and I didn’t know about Andrew. “You’ll have to forgive me for thinking the worst of you. I’m not myself lately. And thanks for catching me…earlier

  “You really think I look like a serial killer?”

  I shrug lifting myself up onto the crutches and head to the kitchen. Leaning on the counter I cover my face with my hands. Gosh, I’m so flustered I can’t believe I talked to him that way. Grabbing a soda from the fridge I open the cabinet looking for a cup and find all of them on the top shelf.

  Hearing footsteps behind me, a well defined tattooed arm crosses my vision and pulls down two glasses, I shiver at his close proximity. At five feet I’m vertically challenged; add the crutches and this may as well be an Olympic sport.

  Clenching my fist I hold back hitting the counter, I’ve embarrassed myself back in the living room and wanted to get away from Avery but he had to follow me into the kitchen. I’m not incapable of getting a drink or a glass. Not that he would know that since I’m like a bumbling idiot around him, but whatever. The point is I am not an invalid.

  Avery opens the fridge and pulls out the soda and pours it into both glasses, gently pushing one glance my direction... I’m still standing there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open trying to think of something to say anything for that matter. Taking the glass I thank him begrudgingly. “Look, I’m sorry for being rude. That’s not me at all. I haven’t been myself lately but my mama didn’t raise someone that acts like that and she would be disappointed in me today.”

  He shrugs, “It’s no biggie. I get it.”

  “You do?”

  Nodding, he joins me, leaning against the counter and doing a once over of my features.

  “You have no idea.” He grimaces and we stand there in awkward silence. “So do you want to talk about why you were screaming?”

  Looking away I squirm. What I really want to say is, Hell no I don’t want to talk about it, however I refrain, biting my tongue, hard.

  “Look I appreciate you trying to help but I don’t want to talk about it period.” There I went again from zero to bitch in ten seconds flat, Geez Hadley chill the heck out. Twirling my ice in the cup and watching it swirl it gives me a minute to gather my thoughts. “So what’s up all the black?”

  He seems flustered and I can’t help but feel triumphant. Good. Take that. Now you know how I feel, it makes me somewhat proud of myself that I turned the questions off of myself. After taking a drink he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

  “Black is a good color.”

  I was the rub the smugness off his face, or mimic him. “If you’re nineteen why did you move in with your brother instead of getting an apartment?”

  “I had my reasons and they might be closer to yours than you realize,” he says, his tone resembling frost on a windshield. “If the Spanish inquisition’s over I have things to do today.”

  Obviously I pushed some of his buttons. Putting the glass in the sink he tells me he’s going out to the garage..

  Before he leaves, I call, “Hey Superman? Thanks for all the saves by the way.”

  He stops in his tracks and whirls, cocking his head to the side and grinning. “Superman?”

  I can’t help the heat shading my cheeks. “Yeah you’ve saved me like three times now. You should get some frequent saver thing in the mail soon or something.”

  Laughing he averts his attention to the ceiling. “It’s all part of the job, sweetheart, all part of the job. Thanks mostly to the performance you put on before I did the saving, most of my saves are boring.” He winked, turning on his heel before I could pipe up with a retort. Damn him for getting the last word.

  Pouring my drink in the sink I watch as the dark liquid goes down the drain and head back to my quiet bedroom. My stomach tightens knowing my pills are in there and no one is in the house to care how many I take. Except Avery, who would most likely show up with his cape on and Heimlich maneuver them out of me.

  Shutting the door I run my hands over the covers of my bed smoothing them out. I grab my mom’s pillow and hold on to it for dear life as I inhale the scent. I take in the silence and let my memories run through my brain. Reaching over I pick up the pill bottle and lay there with it. Gripping the orange bottle tightly in my hand I open the bottle and stare at them and pour them into my hand gripping the small white pills tightly I lift my fist containing them to my mouth and close my eyes. Opening my hand the pills rain down on my face, my mouth staying shut. Curling up I clench my hand around the empty bottle and fall asleep.

  Several hours’ later Jenny walks in letting me know that dinner is ready and if I want to eat I better go now. Sitting up and stretching I feel little rocks under my hand lifting my hand up I realize they are pills and not rocks. Oh Crap. Hurriedly I scoop them up from the various places they landed on the comforter and thank God that Jenny didn’t walk in and see the scattered pills. Taking a deep breath I take a few minutes to compose myself before heading out to dinner.

  While at dinner I learn I’ll be meeting with the new doctor on Monday, to have the stitches in my face removed. Joy. Have I mentioned how much I love doctors? About as much as I would like to have a tooth removed. They start talking about Thanksgiving next week and I tune them out.

  ***

  After dinner I walk outside to the wooden deck off the kitchen and sit down at the patio table with my notebook. Staring hard at the notebook I contemplate burning it or throwing it away, it holds so many memories. My hands are shaking as I open the book, I flip the pages until I reach the one entitled Bucket List. Staring at the list I run my fingers across the ones I completed reading the list I see all the ones I have yet to complete. Trepidation fills me remember my dad and I were supposed to go Jet Skiing a week before they died to fulfill one of these goals. We obviously never made it there and I haven’t added to the list or even looked at it since. Breathing deeply I sit there without a sound contemplating whether to continue with the bucket list or not when I hear footsteps behind me. Twisting around I watch as Avery walks towards me oozing his own brand of masculinity in a quiet sort of way.

  “Mind if I sit here?”

  My eyes widen and I shake my head quickly closing my notebook and watching as he sits down.

  “So how have you been? You were kinda quiet at dinner.”

  “I’m...Well I’m not sure how I am actually.”

  “Fair enough.” Steepling his hands together he stares out at the sky and the crickets are breaking up the monotony of silence.

  “What’s that?” He asks nodding towards the notebook

  I don’t know why but I decide to tell him, “Don’t laugh but it’s my Bucket List, my dad and I used to try the things on the list together. I used to add stuff to the list daily but haven’t really looked at it since the accident. I’m not even sure I want to keep the list.”

  He looks over at me thoughtfully rubbing his
chin, “You’re not going to stop doing the stuff on that list are you?”

  Thinking carefully before I answer, “I don’t think I can, it’s something my dad and I did together, it was our thing, you know?”

  “What type of stuff is on it?”

  I look up at the night sky so I don’t have to look at him and see his reaction as he hears so of the stuff on the list.

  “Hmm, well singing in the rain, fishing, go to Hawaii lots of random things, you know? I just kept adding as I think of them.”

  Leaning towards me he puts his hand on the notebook picking it up, it’s all I can do not to grab it from his hands.

  “Maybe you should fulfill your tasks on the Bucket List and maybe I can help you?” He asks quietly.

  I’m flabbergasted that was the last thing I expected coming from his mouth.

  I surprise even myself when I say, “Let’s do it.”

  I sit there long after he goes in thinking about him and the mixed feelings floating around in my head about him.

  Chapter Nine

  I’m pouring cereal into my bowl Monday morning when Avery walks in looking all fresh from his shower. Meanwhile, I look like something that crawled out of the litter box. We haven’t really talked the past few days since our Bucket List chat, but he did make a copy of the list and take it with him. Pulling the cereal right out of my hand he grabs a bowl and begins what I can only call his morning preening routine. He splashed milk into his bowl and mine, while simultaneously flipping through the newspaper. I noticed how he expertly avoids the Sports section, going so far as to fold it up and put it at the bottom of the stack.

  “You know I can pour my own milk into a bowl right?”

  “Yeah but it’s the southern gentleman in me.”

  Rolling my eyes I take a spoonful the cereal. Watching him dig into the mountain of cereal I have to wonder if he can even eat it all.

  “So,” he says between bites, “There’s this party over at my friend Kent’s tonight, nothing special just some people hanging out with music and drinks, wanna go?”

  Hmm, a party? I really shouldn’t but I don’t listen to my brain and blurt out, “Yeah.”

  “Good, be ready to leave by seven tonight,” he says shoveling the last of his cereal in his mouth.

  He never mentions the list, which has me wondering what he is up too.

  ***

  Seven rolls around and I’m ready and waiting at the kitchen table getting the run down from Jenny about how her day went and barely listening to her moan and groan about her sophomores who can’t do some sort of flip to save her soul. While she is still rambling on about the benefits of knowing handstand leap things Avery walks in and my breathe catches in my throat, He is a sight. He’s actually wearing a grey fitted shirt with a black leather jacket over it and slightly washed jeans. Without realizing it I let out a contented sigh just staring at him. My mouth must have popped open because Jenny leans over and pushes my mouth back up.

  “You’re drooling.”She says drolly.

  “What? Me? Never.”

  Avery grabs our jackets and holds the door open for me and as we’re walking out Jenny yells at us to have fun, I roll my eyes at her before Avery shuts the door behind us.

  Walking to the car I close my eyes and am thankful I took an extra dose of Xanex so I can get into the car somewhat easier than before without freaking out on Avery. After throwing my crutches in the back he starts the car and pulls out of the driveway.

  The drive to the party is quiet with no talking and soft music playing in the background. Pulling up to what looks like a mansion he hops out and helps me out of the car grabbing the crutches and handing them to me. I follow closely behind him as we walk to the huge house.

  Black Eyed Pea’s booms out of the house the closer we get and people crowd the front door like a mosh pit. I have no idea how I’m going to get in there but it’s like a sea parting when Avery walks in and I’m able to get in without tripping or knocking anyone down. Someone is passing out alcohol and I eagerly reach for a beer, but Avery stops me. . He seriously didn’t just beer block me did he?

  Grinning he leans down, “The last time you had alcohol still gives me nightmares. I mean hell I’ve never seen anyone bring down a house like you did.”

  “Well I’m not a little kid and you did your job by bringing me here, now go find your friends and leave me here.”

  He glowers at me like he wants to have it out with me but the music is too loud and there’s people pressed right against us making it impossible to talk.

  “Look, “I say pointing to a chair. “It’s the perfect spot for me.”

  He doesn’t look convinced but I get him to leave me after a few promises of no drinking. Ha, I think as I watch him walk away and grab a few Jello shots next to the beers. Semantics, I said no beers...not liquor. Downing five of those little suckers one right after the other I’m feeling pretty good. So good I no longer feel pain. No one approaches me and I continue to down Jello shots like they’re candy. Combined with my pills I feel really sleepy, my eyes feeling heavier and heavier. I try to find Avery but it’s no use, there are too many people.

  Standing up I stumble with the damn crutches to the door and trip into the front lawn. Trying to find Avery’s car is really hard because a) I don’t really remember what it looked like and b) everything is really fuzzy.

  A guy startles me as he walks up next to me.

  “Hey girl, you lost?”

  “Um, no…no I don’t think so.”

  “Maybe a little bit?”

  Looking over at him wearily, “Okay maybe a bit.”

  “You can come over here and sit with us if you want,” he says pointing to a group of people.

  Looking at them I shake my head, “No thanks, I’m going to find my ride and get out of here.” Expecting the guy to leave I go to walk away, but the guy grabs my arm.

  “You know what? I think you’d have more fun with me than your friend.”

  “No, I’m really fine and let me go.” I say through a voice that sounds like it’s coming from someone far away. Trying to pull away from him is no use , just as I think there is nothing I can do somehow Avery comes up beside me.

  Staring down at the other guy he looks at my pale face and tells the guy to back off and puts his arm around me and walks me quickly to the car. I can feel the anger radiating off him in waves.

  “What the hell was that?” he asks, his tone dripping with fury.

  Leaning against the window I’m so damn tired that I’m having trouble concentrating on what Avery is asking me. When I don’t answer him he shakes me awake.

  “Are you drunk Hadley? You weren’t supposed to drink damn it”

  “You said no beer, nothing about liquor,” I mutter.

  “Why do you keep doing this crap? Alcohol doesn’t solve anything.”

  Quietly I say, “No it doesn’t solve anything but it helps me forget.”

  ***

  The following week before Thanksgiving goes by quickly. After the party disaster Avery and I haven’t really talked much. He apparently carried me in yet again and put me to bed I only know this because well I woke up in my room and there was a bottled water and Tylenol left on the dresser. He’s been working and going to school most days and if he isn’t there he’s either playing video games or working in the garage, doing his best to avoid me. I’m glad I haven’t seen him, part of me is scared about seeing him; I can’t help the churning in my stomach when I recall what happened at the party, I grimace at how I probably embarrassed him.

  I stay in my room and end up playing a lot of solitaire on my laptop and catch up on reading. You can finish a lot of books when you only leave your room for food and bathroom breaks. Anything to keep me from having to interact with people and pretend I’m okay. Although I can’t help the nagging feeling in my chest that I miss Avery’s presence which is weird since I haven’t known him for long and yet he’s managed to worm his way into my life.

  Ch
apter Ten

  Thanksgiving morning dawns bright and early for me. This is something I’ve been dreading for awhile now. Dreading this day I pull the covers over my head and contemplate staying in bed all day. Hearing banging in the kitchen is a universal sign something is wrong. Blearily I reach for my phone, hearing more pans banging, a few curse words thrown in.

  Oh geez. Sitting up rubbing my hands over my face I look around the dark room. There is an unpleasant feeling in my stomach. I feel dark; it surrounds me like a dark cloud. This will be the first Thanksgiving without them. I’m not sure I can mentally do this. Opening the bottle of Xanex I shake a few out into my hand and swallow them, taking a deep breath. Staring at the pill bottle I give myself a pep talk. I can do this. I can pretend for their sake. I will not ruin the holiday. Lying back I wait for the pills to take effect. To take me to a semi-happy place where I can pretend nothing is wrong.

  ***

  Taking a long shower I let my emotions run the gamut where no one can hear me or knows what I am doing. Tears pour down my face mixing with the warm water I stand there letting it wash over me. A banging on the door startles me out of the emotional cloud I am currently in. Aggravated I yank the shower curtain so my head sticks out. “What is it?”

  “What are you doing? You’ve been in there for like fifteen minutes!” Avery yells through the door.

  “I’ll be out in a few minutes, leave me alone!” I yell back sticking my head back in the shower in hopes Avery leaves me alone. I grab the soap angrily and start scrubbing my arms really hard until they’re pink. What’s the big deal if I take a long shower? It’s not like I want to celebrate this holiday. Pulling open one of the drawers open I rifle through it looking for something sharp when I grasp what feels like scissors. I get a little bit excited and pull them out and see they are scissors for hair cutting. I feel like I’ve struck gold. Grabbing the scissors I open them up and put the cold sharp metal next to my wrist. Taking a deep breath I go to pull it across my wrist when the knocking starts again. What is with this house? Why can’t I have some freaking privacy? A small trail of blood comes to the surface from the scissors scratch. Shaken I pull myself out of my daze and turn off the water. Quickly grabbing a towel and wiping the small bit of blood away.